Mental Health Monday #2: Distorted Thinking

10 Forms of Distorted Thinking

It's no question that we all have our moments of negative self-talk or are left with a bad impression after a confrontation. As all humans do, we often fall victim to distorted thinking. For example, if you walk by a co-worker and they don't give you a smile or a wave, you might begin to think this person doesn't like you. However, it's more likely this person is thinking about something else or maybe even just having a bad day. This is a typical example of distorted thinking called Mind Reading, a more specific form of Jumping to Conclusions. There are so many different types of distorted thinking, and this post will list and describe the 10 forms, as well as ways to avoid falling into or staying stuck in the cycle of these thought patterns.  

One of the first sheets I was given to read in therapy was the 10 Forms of Distorted Thinking. These were the ones on the list. 

1. All or Nothing Thinking: "You see things in black or white. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure."

This is one I fall into so often. If you are hard on yourself, like I tend to be, you probably consider it a fail when you don't reach even the smallest goal. Even the tiniest thing, like failing a quiz or showing up late to class or work can make me feel this way. When I fall into this thinking, I like to channel my inner Brené Brown and tell myself one of my favorite quotes from her book: The Gifts of Imperfection. She says, "Today, I'm going to believe that showing up is enough." As hard as it may be, I try to tell myself that my attempt in itself is already a success for the day.

2. Overgeneralization: "You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it."

 This is what I call the "Forever Alone" thinking. The mentality that things will keep repeating is what keeps us from trying again. If you think, "I'll never be in a relationship," you might give up and ignore opportunities to socialize. This type of thinking keeps us from reaching out for things that are waiting for us. I know it's easier said than done, but once you recognize that you're doing this, you've already done the first step in changing your perspective.

3. Mental Filter: "You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water."

It's really difficult to recognize when I'm doing this. I could be having a great day and the smallest of criticisms can tear down all the positivity I'd received. For example, If I wrote a paper and received many positive comments but just one correction, I tend to focus on that one area where I didn't excel. Dwelling on the negative will only distract us from the positive. Acknowledging the negative is okay, but instead of letting it take over, we can just flag it mentally as an opportunity for future success.

4. Disqualifying the Positive: "You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may have to tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well."

Do you know how to accept compliments? I know sometimes I don't. When someone genuinely compliments your work, your appearance or just laughs at your jokes, don't immediately brush it off. Compliments are meant to make us feel good, and discrediting yourself is like rejecting praise that someone else genuinely wanted to give you. It can really make your day when you get a compliment and allow yourself to accept it.

5. Jumping to Conclusions: "You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion."

• Mind Reading: "Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively towards you."
• Fortune-telling: "You predict that things will turn out badly. If you're depressed you may tell yourself, 'I'll never get better.'"

Always look at the facts! If you can't support your negativity with facts, which you almost never can, then it's not true. You can't go on saying there's no hope if you have no proof of what's waiting around the corner. This is kind-of a humbling process for me. I have to accept that I don't know what's coming next and there's no truth to me saying, "thing's will never get any better."

6. Magnification/Minimization: "You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the 'binocular trick.'"

This one comes in handy when you start comparing yourself to others. We often tend to magnify others' accomplishments and minimize our own. I usually minimize my accomplishments and magnify the times where I've fallen short of perfection. Times like these, it's helpful to make a list of all your good qualities and traits. Focus on the things you love about yourself and let the positivity lead the way. 

7. Emotional Reasoning: "You assume that your negative emotions reflect the way things actually are."

It's difficult to get things done when you let your emotions take over. When you start to let your emotions dictate your logic, you end up feeling pretty bad about yourself. For example, if you feel guilty about something, you might think guilty = I'm a bad person. Your emotions are not proof for what actually may be. Just because I feel hopeless doesn't mean there's no hope for me. Allow yourself to feel each emotion, but don't let it be the basis for your reasoning.

8. Should Statements: "You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. "Musts," "oughts," and "have  tos" are similar offenders. "Shoulds," that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. "Shoulds," that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration."

I have a bone to pick with the word "should." I can't get around it, but I don't like to use it. The word is just always asking for trouble. Whether you're using "should" to talk negatively towards yourself or against others, it usually doesn't go so well. We so often dwell on those, "I shouldn't have done that," or "I should have just done this." We don't always live up to our own expectations or what we think we are "supposed to" be. When you eliminate the "shoulds" in life, you'll find a huge unneeded pressure lifted off your shoulders. 

9. Labeling: "You assign negative labels to yourself and others. Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Conversely, when someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself that the problem is with the person's "character" instead of with their thinking or behavior. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem."

It's okay to admit we have flaws. I'll be the first to admit I'm not always on time for things. But instead of labeling myself as "unreliable" or "irresponsible," I choose to recognize that what I do doesn't make me who I am. We're allowed to make mistakes without calling ourselves failures. I know we tend to label ourselves and others based on behavior, but behaviors change. We don't have to reduce ourselves or others to a label. Positivity makes positivity. 

10. Personalization (and blame): "Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy. Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways they might be contributing to the problem. Blame usually doesn't work very well, because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back into your lap."

Sometimes it's just our natural instinct to assign blame when something doesn't go the way we wanted it to. This usually does no good for anyone involved. Taking on the blame for something you didn't have complete control over will leave you feeling paralyzed with unwarranted guilt and shame. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, "Did I ask for things to go this way? Was this my intention?" If the answer is no, you are taking on blame that isn't meant for you. There's a big difference between taking responsibility for your actions and taking on blame that isn't yours. 

So that's my take on the 10 Forms of Distorted Thinking. I hope you were able to relate to these instances and find it useful to recognize how you might be using these thought processes in your everyday life. If you'd like a sheet of 10 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking, click HERE to download the PDF. Thanks for reading and see you next Monday for more mental health musings! xo