Chapter 22: Cyclothymia

Hi, I'm Carissa and I'm going to be honest with you. 

Adulting is hard. There's no way around it. Sometimes our responsibilities get in the way of what we really want to do. That's kind of what happened to me. It all just became so overwhelming that at some point I had to drop everything and turn on recovery mode. 

So many people like to curate their online presence in an unrealistic way. Don't get me wrong; I'm all about spreading the positive side of things. But, sometimes we gotta be REAL. That's why I've decided to share my story and why I took a 2-month-long hiatus from this blog.

I was so excited when I finally launched Just a Thought. I spent hours every day coming up with ideas for my next posts. At some point, I started to lose interest in it. Not only in my blog but in all the things that made me happy. And that brings me to my main point. My mental health status: Cyclothymia, a less severe version of Bipolar 2 Disorder.

If you're not into mental health, you probably know bipolar as more of an adjective. "The weather is just so bipolar today." Sure, bipolar has its ups and downs, but it's so much more complicated than that. Bipolar 2 and Cyclothymia are characterized by depression and anxiety. When I first sought professional help, my original diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety. While this was an accurate description of what I was dealing with, it turned out to be a little more complex. I noticed unusually high episodes that mimicked mania seen in Bipolar Disorder and extremely low depressive episodes that would cycle with no explanation. My episodes were not as severe as those associated with Bipolar 2, but still made it difficult to function. I lacked stability and never knew what to expect when it came to my mood and outlook for the day. One day I was the most optimistic person and the next I could not find a reason to get out of bed.

Since September of 2016, I've been on a mental health journey that has challenged every fiber of my being. I've tried many treatment options but it is not a one-size-fits-all type of condition. Recovery is an ongoing process and it takes work to live with Cyclothymia.

If there's anything I would like you to know, it's that mental health conditions are real. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. There's no one cure, but there IS help. I hope that those of you who struggle with mental health issues, whether it is clinical like mine or just due to life's stressors, will seek help from a friend or a professional. 

Thanks for reading! 

xo